Karma isn’t retribution.
Karma is a mirror.
Healing is never about the person you believe hurt you-this part is where most people get stuck. Healing is about taking the time to face yourself-your blind spots. I have been trapped in the loop of blaming the other person, but it leads to nothing but repeating the same cycle in the same karmic loop over and over.
Relationships are the ultimate mirror-and I didn’t like what was being reflected back to me. I had low self-worth, I didn’t take risks, I felt stagnant, heavy, bloated, sick, I was seeking guidance in someone other than myself…
Listen, this is the soul-contract I signed up for. My mother was emotionally unavailable, critical, masculine, and my father was angry, petty, manipulative and jumped ship any time things got too hard.
Not the best foundation to work with as a child.
I repeated these relationships with men over and over again.
And yes, they were a reflection of me.
There was ONE moment in each relationship that mirrored a pattern to me that I was not willing to deal with anymore.
Thank you, God, for the revelations.
It caused me to jump off the speeding train I was on- the one desperate for validation, the one who needed the instagram photos next to a man to prove I was desirable, the one who was performing sexuality, motherhood, womanhood…
It’s me who needed to change.
And I spent a lot of time doing that.
I don’t recognize the woman I once was anymore. I still do not completely understand what happened.
I walk into rooms and people stop their conversations, and just *stare*
My inbox is FILLED with men (I would never date lol)
I get things handed to me, and I am open to it. I do not feel guilt, I do not feel like I need to reciprocate, I just feel open to receiving.
My body lost all the heaviness. My whole face changed- lighter, feminine, glowing. My heart released everything I was holding onto for since childhood, and I forgave myself for the choices I made when I didnt know better.
I allow myself to *feel* without rationalizing. I allow myself to do what makes me happy in the moment, not wait for someone else to bring me joy, and I trust my intuition deeply-she never, ever fails me.
Is it an energy? Is is an aura? Is it the God inside of me?
Is it the fact that I sat and faced myself every single day without distractions, without dating, without men, without makeup, without weed, alcohol, sex…things people use to soothe themselves?
Is it because I want my daughter-the love of my life- to watch her mother live in the truest, most aligned, most beautiful, most creative version of herself? That I never want her to live *small.* That I want her to tap into every beautiful part of her being knowing she has my love and support.
Maybe.
My energy is finally CLEAN.
I still believe in relationships. I know my person is searching for me too- doing the deep healing it takes to create a healthy foundation. He’s probably reading this right now, because God will lead him to my heart. Not lust, status, or validation- nothing shallow.
That is over.
Because that isnt me anymore.
Cheers to the healers, the healing, and my soulmate- Who will know, deeply, he is the luckiest man alive.
Because when he meets me, he will see his own reflection too-love that is whole healed, and awake.
parallellines.blog 