This last year was total bullshit.
And extremely transformative.
I made a lot of changes- or, perhaps, the universe made a lot of changes for me.
During this bullshit metamorphosis, my therapist mentioned to me, on an ordinary Thursday during one of our sessions, that my face looked a lot “lighter.”
Something has changed, Maria. You’re not hiding behind a mask today.
I looked at myself into the little box on the video call and realized I wasn’t wearing my usual red-lip, dark-winged liner, or any foundation.
Oh, I’m not wearing makeup…I know, I look insane right now…
She stopped me immediately (as therapists often do) and said insane was not the word she would use to describe what she as looking at.
You look happier, Maria. You look like you are coming back to yourself.
Makeup may seem trivial to many, but it is the armor some of us hide behind. There was a point in my life that I refused to go outside, even to run a quick errand, without foundation, eyeliner, and a dark lip on. I would never tie my hair back because I wanted to hide…this face-the one that people told me was too round, these eyes- the ones people told me were not big like Pakistani eyes should be, these lips- that bottom one being gigantic compared to the top one and etc etc etc
Nowadays, you couldn’t pay me to wear eyeliner (I mean, it depends on the amount, but for the most part, I hate wearing anything around my eyes.) My therapist was catching on to something—I was (subconsciously) shedding the mask I had been hiding behind for many, many years.
If you read my first post (which I am assuming no one did lol) I wrote about trying float therapy. One of the things that is expected during this therapy session is that you wipe ALL your makeup off and shower before entering the pool. As the receptionist is telling me this, an old part of me shuddered because not many people have seen my completely naked face. However, I am in the mindset now of stepping outside of my comfort zone and pushing myself to try new things…
After the session was over, my friend (and angel, spirit guide) looked over at my bare face, and undone hair and said, “you are so naturally beautiful.” And believe me, this is one of those friends that would never say anything she didnt truly mean.
So I had no choice but to believe her.
I snapped this photo of myself sitting in the car after the session.
And yes, for the first time, I see a natural, classic beauty- one that can be dressed up or dressed down and still be stunningly beautiful.
parallellines.blog 